Today, I spoke with a 13 year old girl who doubted whether or not she had worth, because no one wanted to hang out with her at lunch. I passed another in the hall, who giggled and grabbed the young man's shoulder next to her to try to get him to notice her just once. Another who sat quietly, wondering if she is seen....ever noticed.....
Significance. It is this thing that sometimes we question within ourselves. The wife and mother who decides to bake cookies from scratch to show a little extra love and attention to detail....the single girl who smiles at what she does not see, while is secretly afraid of the unknown. The young girl, who seeks attention.
At times these actions can lead a girl to secretly question her significance. Will they notice? Does it really matter? Am I special? Most women, do not think of this on a regular basis....although some do. I would risk to say that most women [of any age] have come to a place when they doubted or questioned their own significance at some point.
Yesterday, I spoke with a colleague who was concerned about a young girl who had confessed that she had thoughts of suicide. Today, I saw the scratches on her arms. I wish with all my heart I could look deep into the eyes of every young girl who felt she was not pretty enough, who thought she wasn't funny enough, who 'knows' she's not smart enough.....and convince her that she is significant. She is valued. She is priceless. She is you.
Have you ever believed something more strongly for someone else than you have for yourself? If you could only shift that passion from your heart to theirs by a simple gesture of an outstretched hand or a warm embrace. Often, people are not so easily convinced.
She must see her significance for herself. How can you help her when she does not believe? Perhaps by complimenting. Perhaps by listening. Maybe its remembering all the things she thinks you'll forget. It's quite similar to when a friend decides to surprise you and take you somewhere for the first time. You might have assumptions, predictions, but you have yet to experience it.....so therefore, you cannot totally believe it for yourself. And then suddenly, you arrive. You can't believe what you see, but yet....there it is. So much more than you thought. So beautiful. It is real. And you can see it. You can't stop smiling. It is AMAZING!
Underneath her scratched arms is a heart more valuable than gold. Behind her fears are magnificent ideals. Just next to her doubt is her beauty. It is real. You can see it. And try to not stop smiling. You are AMAZING!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
being still
I've been torn between writing about two different subjects this evening. One subject speaking of the unwanted; and the other talking about how we can throw away things of value and substance due to our own impatience. I think, tonight...I'll touch on the latter.
I believe that we do have a creator, God, the one who ultimately knows everything that is going on. Yet, I also believe we have free will. We get to make our own choices. My whole life I have always desired to make the best choices. The right ones. The ones that would set me apart as a woman of value; and naturally I have also always had this ability to to do things really well and make them look so beautiful. The presentation has always been effort-less for me. However, there are some areas that no matter how true to myself I am nor how beautiful I wish it looked...I just can't get it sorted [as the British would say].
I don't think Andromeda was a very patient character. And sadly, neither am I. There are times in life when one should just STOP! An aquaintance of mine said to me a few months back that the best thing to do when you don't know what to do is to do nothing. DO NOTHING????? I thought about her comment for weeks. This concept was so foreign to me. I did not even know how to process those words, let alone, take the advice. But perhaps, there are times when you should just distance yourself and do nothing. [Even while writing this, I have a hard time grasping this concept.] I have always believed that the best thing you can do is to be honest, real, compassionate, and be the person you would like to see, without expectation.
Recently, I encountered a situation in my own life where I had the choice to be me and try to just be genuine, or I could have chosen to be still and do nothing. I doubt that anyone will ever describe me as still. PROBABLY NEVER! But, I sure could use it sometimes. I'm the sort of person who looks at a beautiful cake and wants to take my finger and wipe across the bottom of the cake taking about a tablespoon full of frosting as I go, only to swallow it hoping that no one notices....and then trying to doctor up the frosting as if I had never been there. THIS IS A HORRIBLE TRAIT TO BRING INTO SOME AREAS OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE! CAN I JUST SAY HORRIBLE ONE MORE TIME!!! horrible. Sometimes when we mess things up they can't be fixed. Sometimes we don't get the opportunity to be in the exact situation again. We will get other opportunities and life will progress on, but what if we miss out on the very best because we just couldn't be still. In my recent situation I feel as though, I totally messed up what might have been the most beautifully tasting cake. And I have no idea if I'll ever find myself in that same position, nor if I'll find a better cake...sticking with this analogy. Many Christians would argue, but God is in control. I agree. But sometimes, we just mess things up and though He wants to use it for good....It may not have been THE BEST.
Sometimes being still is the best idea. I wish, I had listened. And I'm sorry for that one. Being true to oneself is important, but sometimes I think we should portion ourselves to not explode with our entirety so freely. Many people throughout history have had great destinies, but then acted too quickly or too loudly, or too passionately and messed it up entirely. Having a little discernment on timing would do the fast runners in our society some good, myself included. Moses messed things up and missed out on the Promised Land. Esau was impatient and he gave up wealth and inheritance for SOUP! Sampson spoke too soon and lost all his strength and DIED! In my situation, I am most disappointed in myself, for not just taking some time to just NOT do anything. Doing nothing, might have been the BEST option. Sadly, we only have ourselves to blame for picking at the cake.
I believe that we do have a creator, God, the one who ultimately knows everything that is going on. Yet, I also believe we have free will. We get to make our own choices. My whole life I have always desired to make the best choices. The right ones. The ones that would set me apart as a woman of value; and naturally I have also always had this ability to to do things really well and make them look so beautiful. The presentation has always been effort-less for me. However, there are some areas that no matter how true to myself I am nor how beautiful I wish it looked...I just can't get it sorted [as the British would say].
I don't think Andromeda was a very patient character. And sadly, neither am I. There are times in life when one should just STOP! An aquaintance of mine said to me a few months back that the best thing to do when you don't know what to do is to do nothing. DO NOTHING????? I thought about her comment for weeks. This concept was so foreign to me. I did not even know how to process those words, let alone, take the advice. But perhaps, there are times when you should just distance yourself and do nothing. [Even while writing this, I have a hard time grasping this concept.] I have always believed that the best thing you can do is to be honest, real, compassionate, and be the person you would like to see, without expectation.
Recently, I encountered a situation in my own life where I had the choice to be me and try to just be genuine, or I could have chosen to be still and do nothing. I doubt that anyone will ever describe me as still. PROBABLY NEVER! But, I sure could use it sometimes. I'm the sort of person who looks at a beautiful cake and wants to take my finger and wipe across the bottom of the cake taking about a tablespoon full of frosting as I go, only to swallow it hoping that no one notices....and then trying to doctor up the frosting as if I had never been there. THIS IS A HORRIBLE TRAIT TO BRING INTO SOME AREAS OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE! CAN I JUST SAY HORRIBLE ONE MORE TIME!!! horrible. Sometimes when we mess things up they can't be fixed. Sometimes we don't get the opportunity to be in the exact situation again. We will get other opportunities and life will progress on, but what if we miss out on the very best because we just couldn't be still. In my recent situation I feel as though, I totally messed up what might have been the most beautifully tasting cake. And I have no idea if I'll ever find myself in that same position, nor if I'll find a better cake...sticking with this analogy. Many Christians would argue, but God is in control. I agree. But sometimes, we just mess things up and though He wants to use it for good....It may not have been THE BEST.
Sometimes being still is the best idea. I wish, I had listened. And I'm sorry for that one. Being true to oneself is important, but sometimes I think we should portion ourselves to not explode with our entirety so freely. Many people throughout history have had great destinies, but then acted too quickly or too loudly, or too passionately and messed it up entirely. Having a little discernment on timing would do the fast runners in our society some good, myself included. Moses messed things up and missed out on the Promised Land. Esau was impatient and he gave up wealth and inheritance for SOUP! Sampson spoke too soon and lost all his strength and DIED! In my situation, I am most disappointed in myself, for not just taking some time to just NOT do anything. Doing nothing, might have been the BEST option. Sadly, we only have ourselves to blame for picking at the cake.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Andromeda's Alone Time...
Andromeda's character spent most of her time helping others....her status title: SINGLE. What is it about that title that most women find so appalling?! I too find myself guilty of this at times. I know girls who love the title and use it as a freedom card to act foolish and play with boys as some men do with women....almost as if it is their payback for being placed in this subservient role, a role of objectification for hundreds of years. I think women that do this feel powerful. In control.....however, most women I know that function in this capacity breakdown eventually and end up loathing the title as much as the rest. I think the crime of forming women into an object of desire is as disgusting as women doing the same to men. Many would disagreed and say this is just what we do. It is hormonal. Carnal. Natural. What I would like to know is when did our respect for the opposite sex stoop so low? I'm sure it was long long ago....but must it always remain.?
Okay, back to this idea of SINGLE. Andromeda was this woman with superhuman strength. She rescued her people. She was this WOMAN we all kind of wish we were strong enough to be.
What we don't consider when we look at her is the lonely part of her journey. She invested her life into a greater cause...loving others. Yet, she was a woman. Meaning that at times, she probably looked around and saw no one else like her. She felt alone. I can relate, as many of you can. But what I'd like to share with you tonight is something that I hopes inspires you...encourages you to be strong in your giftings....strong in your purpose....strong where-ever you are at during this time in your life.
I am a 24 year old woman. Single. College graduate with 2 degrees. A teacher now in my 3rd year of experience, not to mention the years of private lessons. I am an over-achiever in most areas of my life. Which has caused me great victory and great pain. Most of my life, I have spent trying to be ahead....trying to be smarter....trying to be my very best. I have spent most of my life looking at risk and running towards it knowing that I'll have what I need at just the right time and will learn to fly as I'm falling or soaring, whichever the case may be. I have traveled to and from Australia twice, I have traveled all over Western Europe, lived in a foreign country on my own for three years. I have been a part of large organizations that are famous. And I have been a part of organizations which few even remember. NONE of this makes me more special than anyone else. It does not mean I am better. It is simply a fragment of my history. Most of my journey, I have spent alone. Or at least feeling alone. Which at times feels like a water battle left on a table [half full], with no one in sight. I have had seasons of pure fun, with more friendships that most people experience in a life time. I have had other seasons, where the only phone calls I get in weeks are from clients. I am being vulnerable for a moment....not to make you girls say.....awe, Andrea....? But to share this with you....
I am thankful. I am thankful for everything I have seen that I might have missed had my status been different. I am thankful for what I have learned, with and without experience. I am thankful for the one person who has always seen my heart fully. God. I am thankful for what I have not seen that would have been harder to handle if I was aware. We can never be fully in control, even if you are a risk-taker like myself. Sometimes, we end up right back where we began, but the beginning and the ending are not as important as the journey. I have so much to learn and my journey is really only beginning. And your's is as well. I think if we could just look into our hands and see what it is that we have here and do that well....If we were determined enough to just take care of what we have at this time, we would be okay. We will be okay. Andromeda changed her whole identity to finish what she set out to do. She took on a whole new form just to complete what she had determined to do. Will I be faithful to love others enough? Loving is not the hard part, I find. It's the ENOUGH part that makes the question weighted. If that could be my only goal....I want to run off a cliff for it. And I know I'll learn how to fly as I go.
Okay, back to this idea of SINGLE. Andromeda was this woman with superhuman strength. She rescued her people. She was this WOMAN we all kind of wish we were strong enough to be.
What we don't consider when we look at her is the lonely part of her journey. She invested her life into a greater cause...loving others. Yet, she was a woman. Meaning that at times, she probably looked around and saw no one else like her. She felt alone. I can relate, as many of you can. But what I'd like to share with you tonight is something that I hopes inspires you...encourages you to be strong in your giftings....strong in your purpose....strong where-ever you are at during this time in your life.
I am a 24 year old woman. Single. College graduate with 2 degrees. A teacher now in my 3rd year of experience, not to mention the years of private lessons. I am an over-achiever in most areas of my life. Which has caused me great victory and great pain. Most of my life, I have spent trying to be ahead....trying to be smarter....trying to be my very best. I have spent most of my life looking at risk and running towards it knowing that I'll have what I need at just the right time and will learn to fly as I'm falling or soaring, whichever the case may be. I have traveled to and from Australia twice, I have traveled all over Western Europe, lived in a foreign country on my own for three years. I have been a part of large organizations that are famous. And I have been a part of organizations which few even remember. NONE of this makes me more special than anyone else. It does not mean I am better. It is simply a fragment of my history. Most of my journey, I have spent alone. Or at least feeling alone. Which at times feels like a water battle left on a table [half full], with no one in sight. I have had seasons of pure fun, with more friendships that most people experience in a life time. I have had other seasons, where the only phone calls I get in weeks are from clients. I am being vulnerable for a moment....not to make you girls say.....awe, Andrea....? But to share this with you....
I am thankful. I am thankful for everything I have seen that I might have missed had my status been different. I am thankful for what I have learned, with and without experience. I am thankful for the one person who has always seen my heart fully. God. I am thankful for what I have not seen that would have been harder to handle if I was aware. We can never be fully in control, even if you are a risk-taker like myself. Sometimes, we end up right back where we began, but the beginning and the ending are not as important as the journey. I have so much to learn and my journey is really only beginning. And your's is as well. I think if we could just look into our hands and see what it is that we have here and do that well....If we were determined enough to just take care of what we have at this time, we would be okay. We will be okay. Andromeda changed her whole identity to finish what she set out to do. She took on a whole new form just to complete what she had determined to do. Will I be faithful to love others enough? Loving is not the hard part, I find. It's the ENOUGH part that makes the question weighted. If that could be my only goal....I want to run off a cliff for it. And I know I'll learn how to fly as I go.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
trying to begin
Hey you.
I suppose you are probably wondering what this is all about...
Who is Andromeda? Why is so little known about her? What is it that I am going to share in these writings? How will this effect you? And what will entice you to return to these writings?
Andromeda is a fictional super hero, more of a legendary myth, a beautifully faded story, without an ending; not exactly the widely talked about wonder-woman returning-to-save-the-day type. She stood 5 foot 8 inches tall, with green eyes. Her identity transitioned when she moved from the sea to land. In the sea her skin was blue; on land, with the aid of a special serum, she looked like any other land-dweller. Andromeda was single. She was described as a warrior, an adventurer. Her identity was kept a secret for most of her life, she had a good nature. She was a leader among her people. She fought many battles, one against her own father. At one point in her life, her host body was destroyed and she took on a new identity, calling herself: Andrea, to finish what she had set out to do and save her people. Andromeda was determined, she was described as a woman of honor. The word honor, comes from the latin word honoris, which is to say: the evaluation of a person's trustworthiness. The way the word honor was used to describe Andromeda meant that she was esteemed, having an illustrious reputation; she was respected, and found to be an object of praiseworthiness. It was last recorded that she had been captured and taken away from her home, Atlantis. However, before she could be entrapped as a slave, she managed to escape. From there her fate and life was left a mystery.
Andromeda was a woman whose story was never quite complete. Had she existed in our world, her story would have been complete, only we as her observers would have never fully known her. I suppose it is much like how others perceive you and I....fractionally. Perhaps, we only recognize ourselves fractionally, at times.
Photographer Roland Bathes stated something quite profound in relation to his work that I believe is so true to how we see others and how others see us and often, I think this is how we all feel that most of the world sees us...or rather...misses us... "did I recognize her? ...sometimes I recognized a region of her face, a certain relation of nose and forehead, the movement of her arms, her hands. I never recognized her except in fragments, which is to say that I missed her being, and that therefore I missed her altogether. It was not she, and yet it was no one else. I would have recognized her among thousands of other women, yet I did not ‘find’ her. I recognized her differentially, not essentially...straining toward the essence of her identity, I was struggling among images partially true, and therefore totally false."(Barthes, 1987, 65/6)
Sadly, we do not see the entirety of Andromeda's identity; but perhaps in the fragmentation, we will see more of ourselves. Through the investigation of Andromeda's character we can somehow feel relatable to each other, ultimately seeing each other's fragmentation with a more open heart. I hope to uncover some qualities of Andromeda and relate with personal experience and replaying of time in my life. My story is far from complete, but neither is yours. Often our experiences that others see in partiality are quite similar to to the experiences that we all face. Most of the time, it is not about the end result, but rather the investigation and discovery along the way.
Some of my stories will be quiet funny, and perhaps make you feel like you are not the only silly one out there. Other stories are filled with challenges and I hope you will find strength. And a few or more will be a bit sad, but may you find comfort in that you are not alone and that someone else has a similar story.
I suppose 'finding andromeda' is for: the teenage girl, with questions.....the young woman in her late teens and the fabulous 20-something woman, who finds herself searching for her own identity amongst a sea of unknown....the collage graduate whose world looks different than she imagined...the faithful Christian...the questioning Christian American....the single girl at any age....the woman who is surrounded by others but at times still feels very alone...the artist who is unclear....the adventurer...the woman who owns her own business...perhaps 'finding andromeda' will help you among the fragments...
Good-bye for now,
Andrea
I suppose you are probably wondering what this is all about...
Who is Andromeda? Why is so little known about her? What is it that I am going to share in these writings? How will this effect you? And what will entice you to return to these writings?
Andromeda is a fictional super hero, more of a legendary myth, a beautifully faded story, without an ending; not exactly the widely talked about wonder-woman returning-to-save-the-day type. She stood 5 foot 8 inches tall, with green eyes. Her identity transitioned when she moved from the sea to land. In the sea her skin was blue; on land, with the aid of a special serum, she looked like any other land-dweller. Andromeda was single. She was described as a warrior, an adventurer. Her identity was kept a secret for most of her life, she had a good nature. She was a leader among her people. She fought many battles, one against her own father. At one point in her life, her host body was destroyed and she took on a new identity, calling herself: Andrea, to finish what she had set out to do and save her people. Andromeda was determined, she was described as a woman of honor. The word honor, comes from the latin word honoris, which is to say: the evaluation of a person's trustworthiness. The way the word honor was used to describe Andromeda meant that she was esteemed, having an illustrious reputation; she was respected, and found to be an object of praiseworthiness. It was last recorded that she had been captured and taken away from her home, Atlantis. However, before she could be entrapped as a slave, she managed to escape. From there her fate and life was left a mystery.
Andromeda was a woman whose story was never quite complete. Had she existed in our world, her story would have been complete, only we as her observers would have never fully known her. I suppose it is much like how others perceive you and I....fractionally. Perhaps, we only recognize ourselves fractionally, at times.
Photographer Roland Bathes stated something quite profound in relation to his work that I believe is so true to how we see others and how others see us and often, I think this is how we all feel that most of the world sees us...or rather...misses us... "did I recognize her? ...sometimes I recognized a region of her face, a certain relation of nose and forehead, the movement of her arms, her hands. I never recognized her except in fragments, which is to say that I missed her being, and that therefore I missed her altogether. It was not she, and yet it was no one else. I would have recognized her among thousands of other women, yet I did not ‘find’ her. I recognized her differentially, not essentially...straining toward the essence of her identity, I was struggling among images partially true, and therefore totally false."(Barthes, 1987, 65/6)
Sadly, we do not see the entirety of Andromeda's identity; but perhaps in the fragmentation, we will see more of ourselves. Through the investigation of Andromeda's character we can somehow feel relatable to each other, ultimately seeing each other's fragmentation with a more open heart. I hope to uncover some qualities of Andromeda and relate with personal experience and replaying of time in my life. My story is far from complete, but neither is yours. Often our experiences that others see in partiality are quite similar to to the experiences that we all face. Most of the time, it is not about the end result, but rather the investigation and discovery along the way.
Some of my stories will be quiet funny, and perhaps make you feel like you are not the only silly one out there. Other stories are filled with challenges and I hope you will find strength. And a few or more will be a bit sad, but may you find comfort in that you are not alone and that someone else has a similar story.
I suppose 'finding andromeda' is for: the teenage girl, with questions.....the young woman in her late teens and the fabulous 20-something woman, who finds herself searching for her own identity amongst a sea of unknown....the collage graduate whose world looks different than she imagined...the faithful Christian...the questioning Christian American....the single girl at any age....the woman who is surrounded by others but at times still feels very alone...the artist who is unclear....the adventurer...the woman who owns her own business...perhaps 'finding andromeda' will help you among the fragments...
Good-bye for now,
Andrea
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